3. The Real Deal
The teacher whose hair has greyed noticeably since the fall. The teacher who may not make it through the semester. The teacher who has poor relationships with his or her students.
Seven years ago, that was me鈥攁 thought that makes me cringe. 鈥淲hat terrible power struggle awaits me today?鈥� I would muse. 鈥淲hat unpredictable act of defiance might I encounter by noon?鈥�
In hindsight, the power struggles and student acts of defiance representative of my first year of teaching were both predictable and avoidable.
Why do some teachers struggle so much? How can they evolve past the teacher role of 鈥淭he Stranger鈥� or 鈥淭he Liar鈥� to become 鈥淭he Real Deal鈥�? And why is this transformation of particular importance for those who teach across cultures?
To answer these questions, let鈥檚 look at three distinct teacher profiles categorized by the nature of their relationships with their students. Of course, such profiles are meant as well-intended generalizations鈥攖eachers can have different relationships with individual students.
1. The Stranger
Summary: The Stranger is exactly that鈥攁n unknown in the eyes of her students. In return, her students are blurry watercolor portraits lacking individual detail. The Stranger may generally characterize her relationships with students as 鈥済ood,鈥� but when hard-pressed, can鈥檛 name many of their specific interests or life stories.
Struggle: In the absence of deep personal knowledge of her students, she substitutes sweeping generalizations often derived from stereotypes. In turn, her students impose their own stereotypes onto the giant question mark that is their teacher. Conflicts between teacher and students may be minor, but limited student engagement, poor attendance, and low achievement are major.
Solution: To create a community of trust, the teacher must take the first step and let students see her. In my case, this was simply a lucky accident. One day, as I reached for something up high, my shirt came untucked, revealing a large faded scar on my abdomen. When my students gasped and demanded my scar鈥檚 story, my first instinct was to shush them and continue the lesson. Instead, I literally let them see my scar (not in a creepy way!) and told them about my childhood injury. They were transfixed, mouths agape, silent. I had finally initiated the precedent for trust by sharing something personal.
2. The Liar
Summary: I don鈥檛 mean an evil, lying teacher. Rather, this is a teacher whose students feel that he or she invalidates their reality鈥攁nd is thus lying about it. This is the most challenging type of relationship for all parties involved鈥攏ot for lack of good intentions on either side but because no amount of lesson planning, calls home, or sheer authoritarian willpower can overcome the fundamental paradigm disparity between parties.
Struggle: In the Liar鈥檚 classroom, teacher and students are at an impasse. Student behaviors often look defiant, rude, confrontational, and disrespectful鈥攚hat Jeffery Duncan-Andrade calls 鈥渨illed unlearning.鈥� In my experience, willed unlearning is especially evident in schools where teachers and students do not share cultural or socioeconomic backgrounds and therefore find it challenging to validate each other鈥檚 paradigms. This dynamic is especially problematic because it exacerbates the asymmetry of power between teacher and student, ultimately robbing students of their sense of agency and turning them against formal education.
Solution: I鈥檓 reminded of a student who came to me with a behavioral rap-sheet a mile long. 鈥淚 hate school!鈥� she proudly proclaimed on day one. 鈥淲e鈥檒l talk about this after class,鈥� I responded. She began our first of many lunches in her typical bah-humbug fashion: 鈥淲hy am I here? I 诲颈诲苍鈥檛 do anything!鈥� I said her comment about hating school was interesting to me. 鈥淲hat did you do this weekend?鈥� I asked. She squinted at me, sizing me up, perplexed. 鈥淲hy do you want to know?鈥� 鈥淲ell, this weekend I went to see a movie with my friend and I went to the park with my dog and I went to the public pool,鈥� I answered.
She considered me hesitantly for a few seconds before launching in: 鈥淲ell, I can tell you what I 诲颈诲苍鈥檛 do! I 诲颈诲苍鈥檛 ride my bike because my dad got drunk and smashed it into itty-bitty pieces all over the front yard. So that鈥檚 what I 诲颈诲苍鈥檛 do, I can tell you that!鈥� It came out like a tidal wave of anger, a flood of indignation. 鈥淲hoa!鈥� I said. 鈥淭hat鈥檚 really messed up. You鈥檙e super mad because that鈥檚 really messed up about your bike.鈥� She took a deep breath and stared at her lunch tray. Without raising her eyes, she just sighed, 鈥淵eah. It was.鈥�
Teachers had tried in vain to tame her, but all she wanted was someone to validate her experiences. It wasn鈥檛 about being 鈥渆asy鈥� on her; it was about cultivating trust through vulnerability and empathy. That year, she had zero behavioral referrals, made over two years鈥� worth of academic growth, and perhaps most importantly, made her first friend.
3. The Real Deal
Summary: This teacher really knows his students, and they know him; there鈥檚 genuine love all around.
Characteristics: This teacher explicitly validates the realities that inform his students鈥� lives, pushes them to think critically about those realities, and harnesses the emotion they evoke to fuel his students鈥� thirst for knowledge and wisdom. Behavioral concerns in this classroom are all but nonexistent because students are endowed with great responsibility, great expectations, and great trust.
Some teachers instinctively move past the first two profiles with ease, while others find it a long, hard trek. But becoming The Real Deal is within every teacher鈥檚 reach, no matter the contrast between you and your students鈥� lives and experiences.
Maybe you鈥檙e just embarking on building a community of trust. Maybe you feel your path is worn, weathered, and lacking meaningful connections. In either instance, you鈥檒l have successes and setbacks. But know that becoming The Real Deal can begin with a simple story about your ugliest scar or their family鈥檚 ugliest moment. The trust will build and the change will begin, if you do.
