āLook on the bright sideā and āit could be worseā are statements we hear all the time, and likely even more so during the pandemic.
On the surface, these remarks might seem to inject much-needed optimism into a tough situation. But rather than motivating students or teachers to push through stressful times, experts say statements like these have the opposite effect.
āToxic positivityā as itās knownāor the papering over of legitimate feelings of anxiety, stress, or despair with saccharine, out-of-the-box phrases like, ālook at the good things youāve gotāādoesnāt promote resilience in children or adults, said Marc Brackett, the director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence.
āYou canāt always look on the bright side of things. Sometimes ā¦ you have to give yourself permission to feel all emotions,ā said Brackett. āEspecially as a teacher, if you only tell everyone everything is going to work out fine, a, thatās unrealistic because nothing always works out, and b, ā¦ youāre not being a role model for your students that itās OK to experience the full range of feelings.ā
Morale and motivation are suffering right now in schools. Some numbers from recent EdWeek Research Center surveys illustrate just how much: Nearly 40 percent of middle and high school students said their morale was lower than before the pandemic. Half said the pandemic has made them less motivated in their schoolwork.
Forty-five percent of teachers said their morale is lower now than before the pandemic, and 42 percent said the pandemic has made them less motivated at work.
Nearly a third of educators said that administratorsā attempts to improve teacher morale had no impact at all. Four percent said these attempts actually made morale worse.
āItās OK Not to Be OKā
Urging students, staff, peers or even oneself to find the silver lining in a bad situation might seem like a good way to boost motivation and improve school climate, but it often has the reverse effect.
The issue, said Brackett, is that ignoring negative emotions doesnāt make them go away.
āThey become like a debt inside of you,ā he said. āThey show up somewhere, whether it be in a depression, or an eating disorder, or in aggression, or in physical health problems.ā
Additionally, negative emotions serve an important purpose, said Bracket, and you need not look any further than the pandemic for examples of this.
ā[A]nxiety is a good thing to feel right now, because it will make certain that you stay socially distanced, that you wear your mask, and that you take care of washing your hands,ā he said.
Being a good role model for students doesnāt mean always putting up a happy face, said Adrienne Khan, a 4th grade teacher at Bayview Elementary in Fort Lauderdale, Fla. She said she does try to stay upbeat for her students, but not constantly.
āI think sometimes kids think adults are perfect, and as teachers and parents we hide what is going on with us,ā she said. āAnd they need to see that reality. We all have bad days. We are all going through this together. Itās OK not to be OK.ā
She said she urges her students to keep trying, and reminds them that the pandemic wonāt last forever. But in the here and now, she admits, it is tough.
Khan has been struggling with toxic positivity in her job. She said the administration in her district doesnāt want teachers to discuss with parents or post on social media about their struggles, in particular with the technology theyāre using to teach remote students. Khan said she feels pressure to act as though everything is just fine. She has been telling herself that āit could be worseā and āat least I have a job,ā which she said leaves her still feeling negative.
āIt would be very helpful if I could hear the words,'We realize this is really tough, and this sucks right now,āā from districtās leadership said Khan. āIt wouldnāt change anything, but at least I would feel acknowledged.ā
That sentiment is echoed over and over again on social media, where teachers point out that writing āyouāve got thisā in chalk on the sidewalk or hanging a banner that says āteachers are heroesā often rings hollow as they struggle to deal with everything ranging from technological glitches during classes to coronavirus-related deaths in their school communities. In EdWeekās recent survey, teachers anonymously wrote in these pieces of advice for administrators:
āSave the pep talks, it seems phony.ā
āStop the comments āwe appreciate all you do.ā These reduce morale and are frustrating.ā
And finally: āStop with the toxic positivity.ā
Telling someone to look at the good things theyāve got essentially dismisses what theyāre feeling, said Leslie Blanchard, the executive director of the Leadership Development Institute at Louisiana State University, a leadership training and consulting group that works with K-12 schools.
āItās the same as not listening at all,ā she said.
And toxic positivity isnāt unique to administratorsā it can just as easily come from other teachers in a profession that puts a premium on having an upbeat attitude.
Blanchard, a former middle and high school teacher, published a piece on in April and it struck a chord with educatorsāshe was inundated with emails from readers saying they were fed up with insincere optimism from colleagues.
Toxic positivity doesnāt just fail to motivate people, said Blanchard, it often has the effect of making them feel guilty, in addition to being stressed, for not being able to muster optimism.
Blanchard has two pieces of advice for dealing with toxic positivity, which, she emphasized, can come from principals, administrators, parents, and fellow teachers (as well as oneself). First, recognize that the person telling you that āeverything happens for a reason,ā or unhelpfully reminding you that this already terrible situation could be worse, doesnāt intend to make you feel bad.
The second: āI might tell a client to, in a kind way, explain to Pollyanna that āwhen you tell me ... that itās not as bad as it seems, you invalidate the things that Iām feeling and struggling with right now.āā
A Balancing Act
All of this is not to say that being positive is bad, or that being negative is good. Itās a balancing act. On average, people should feel more positive than negative emotions, said Brackett, the expert from Yale.
But a constant state of happinessāwhether in a pandemic or notāshouldnāt be an emotional goal because that expectation is unrealistic and sets people up to feel even worse when they canāt achieve it, he said.
Itās not healthy to wallow in negative emotions, either.
āIf you fail a test, as a kid, and youāre feeling despair for a day or two, or for a week, fine, that may help you figure out what to do to study better or get the help you need,ā Brackett said. āBut if you feel chronic despair about your academics, thatās not helpful.ā
What is helpful is tuning into your own self-talkāor encouraging your students toāand making sure that youāre acknowledging the difficulties youāre facing but also not being too harsh on yourself, said Brackett. Breathing and mindfulness exercises are other strategies for tackling the unrelenting stress and anxiety caused by the pandemic.
And, finally, it helps to be honest that while things could always be worse, they still really suck right now.