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鈥淟ook on the bright side鈥� and 鈥渋t could be worse鈥� are statements we hear all the time, and likely even more so during the pandemic.

On the surface, these remarks might seem to inject much-needed optimism into a tough situation. But rather than motivating students or teachers to push through stressful times, experts say statements like these have the opposite effect.

鈥淭oxic positivity鈥� as it鈥檚 known鈥攐r the papering over of legitimate feelings of anxiety, stress, or despair with saccharine, out-of-the-box phrases like, 鈥渓ook at the good things you鈥檝e got鈥濃�攄oesn鈥檛 promote resilience in children or adults, said Marc Brackett, the director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence.

鈥淵ou can鈥檛 always look on the bright side of things. Sometimes 鈥� you have to give yourself permission to feel all emotions,鈥� said Brackett. 鈥淓specially as a teacher, if you only tell everyone everything is going to work out fine, a, that鈥檚 unrealistic because nothing always works out, and b, 鈥� you鈥檙e not being a role model for your students that it鈥檚 OK to experience the full range of feelings.鈥�

Morale and motivation are suffering right now in schools. Some numbers from recent EdWeek Research Center surveys illustrate just how much: Nearly 40 percent of middle and high school students said their morale was lower than before the pandemic. Half said the pandemic has made them less motivated in their schoolwork.

Forty-five percent of teachers said their morale is lower now than before the pandemic, and 42 percent said the pandemic has made them less motivated at work.

Nearly a third of educators said that administrators鈥� attempts to improve teacher morale had no impact at all. Four percent said these attempts actually made morale worse.

鈥業t鈥檚 OK Not to Be OK鈥�

Urging students, staff, peers or even oneself to find the silver lining in a bad situation might seem like a good way to boost motivation and improve school climate, but it often has the reverse effect.

The issue, said Brackett, is that ignoring negative emotions doesn鈥檛 make them go away.

鈥淭hey become like a debt inside of you,鈥� he said. 鈥淭hey show up somewhere, whether it be in a depression, or an eating disorder, or in aggression, or in physical health problems.鈥�

Additionally, negative emotions serve an important purpose, said Bracket, and you need not look any further than the pandemic for examples of this.

鈥淸A]nxiety is a good thing to feel right now, because it will make certain that you stay socially distanced, that you wear your mask, and that you take care of washing your hands,鈥� he said.

Being a good role model for students doesn鈥檛 mean always putting up a happy face, said Adrienne Khan, a 4th grade teacher at Bayview Elementary in Fort Lauderdale, Fla. She said she does try to stay upbeat for her students, but not constantly.

鈥淚 think sometimes kids think adults are perfect, and as teachers and parents we hide what is going on with us,鈥� she said. 鈥淎nd they need to see that reality. We all have bad days. We are all going through this together. It鈥檚 OK not to be OK.鈥�

She said she urges her students to keep trying, and reminds them that the pandemic won鈥檛 last forever. But in the here and now, she admits, it is tough.

Khan has been struggling with toxic positivity in her job. She said the administration in her district doesn鈥檛 want teachers to discuss with parents or post on social media about their struggles, in particular with the technology they鈥檙e using to teach remote students. Khan said she feels pressure to act as though everything is just fine. She has been telling herself that 鈥渋t could be worse鈥� and 鈥渁t least I have a job,鈥� which she said leaves her still feeling negative.

鈥淚t would be very helpful if I could hear the words,'We realize this is really tough, and this sucks right now,鈥欌�� from district鈥檚 leadership said Khan. 鈥淚t wouldn鈥檛 change anything, but at least I would feel acknowledged.鈥�

That sentiment is echoed over and over again on social media, where teachers point out that writing 鈥測ou鈥檝e got this鈥� in chalk on the sidewalk or hanging a banner that says 鈥渢eachers are heroes鈥� often rings hollow as they struggle to deal with everything ranging from technological glitches during classes to coronavirus-related deaths in their school communities. In EdWeek鈥檚 recent survey, teachers anonymously wrote in these pieces of advice for administrators:

鈥淪ave the pep talks, it seems phony.鈥�

鈥淪top the comments 鈥榳e appreciate all you do.鈥� These reduce morale and are frustrating.鈥�

And finally: 鈥淪top with the toxic positivity.鈥�

Telling someone to look at the good things they鈥檝e got essentially dismisses what they鈥檙e feeling, said Leslie Blanchard, the executive director of the Leadership Development Institute at Louisiana State University, a leadership training and consulting group that works with K-12 schools.

鈥淚t鈥檚 the same as not listening at all,鈥� she said.

And toxic positivity isn鈥檛 unique to administrators鈥� it can just as easily come from other teachers in a profession that puts a premium on having an upbeat attitude.

Blanchard, a former middle and high school teacher, published a piece on in April and it struck a chord with educators鈥攕he was inundated with emails from readers saying they were fed up with insincere optimism from colleagues.

Toxic positivity doesn鈥檛 just fail to motivate people, said Blanchard, it often has the effect of making them feel guilty, in addition to being stressed, for not being able to muster optimism.

Blanchard has two pieces of advice for dealing with toxic positivity, which, she emphasized, can come from principals, administrators, parents, and fellow teachers (as well as oneself). First, recognize that the person telling you that 鈥渆verything happens for a reason,鈥� or unhelpfully reminding you that this already terrible situation could be worse, doesn鈥檛 intend to make you feel bad.

The second: 鈥淚 might tell a client to, in a kind way, explain to Pollyanna that 鈥榳hen you tell me ... that it鈥檚 not as bad as it seems, you invalidate the things that I鈥檓 feeling and struggling with right now.鈥欌��

A Balancing Act

All of this is not to say that being positive is bad, or that being negative is good. It鈥檚 a balancing act. On average, people should feel more positive than negative emotions, said Brackett, the expert from Yale.

But a constant state of happiness鈥攚hether in a pandemic or not鈥攕houldn鈥檛 be an emotional goal because that expectation is unrealistic and sets people up to feel even worse when they can鈥檛 achieve it, he said.

It鈥檚 not healthy to wallow in negative emotions, either.

鈥淚f you fail a test, as a kid, and you鈥檙e feeling despair for a day or two, or for a week, fine, that may help you figure out what to do to study better or get the help you need,鈥� Brackett said. 鈥淏ut if you feel chronic despair about your academics, that鈥檚 not helpful.鈥�

What is helpful is tuning into your own self-talk鈥攐r encouraging your students to鈥攁nd making sure that you鈥檙e acknowledging the difficulties you鈥檙e facing but also not being too harsh on yourself, said Brackett. Breathing and mindfulness exercises are other strategies for tackling the unrelenting stress and anxiety caused by the pandemic.

And, finally, it helps to be honest that while things could always be worse, they still really suck right now.